Oh, how things change…
I remember where I was when I wrote that last entry. Not within space, but within my life, and my emotions, and my situation.
The week I started talking to that friend again, a snowball of chaos started, eventually landing me where I am now. In some ways, the same place. In other ways… definitely somewhere different.
I’ve managed to sort of dig myself out of that whole friendless loner thing. I’m down one old friend, but up a large group of new ones. Instead of mourning my 5 year relationship, we’ve been actually seriously discussing marriage for the last few weeks.
As it turned out, my reunion with my kindergarten best friend, and subsequent feelings that started to emerge, ignited something in my ex, that after a week of serious talk and serious emotions, landed us back together and more serious than ever about making it work this time. It’s been about a month and a half, and no matter how crazy it seems after everything that’s happened, it’s… unexpectedly good. We’re better than we’ve ever been. A couple of months ago, I would’ve never guessed I’d be here.
We knew that to be lovingly, happily together, there had to be some serious changes in our lives, and even personalities. We didn’t think it was possible to change unless our circumstances changed. I had no idea a few months might be enough of a kick in the pants for either of us, let alone both of us.
In those few months, as the one who was “dumped”, I experienced all the stages of grief. I’d finally accepted. But in each of those stages, I know I saw him and our relationship in a different light. There’s something about the process that changes your perspective on things. I was done and ready (and already trying) to move on. But there’s something about that changed perspective that helps you appreciate things differently, and I think that’s how it was possible for us to come back together for another, more serious go at it.
We’ve been best friends for over 11 years. We’re family. There’s a reason we’ve stuck together this long, and in the end, we’re still the people each other wants to see, tell things, and do things with. We knew that if we could fix things and do it right, that we could be absolutely great. It was worth all the work and emotions we’ve gone through to get here.
In the end, it took going through every single bad feeling and bad situation we’ve gone through, talking about how we each perceived things and felt. And a lot of the good things, too. It helped us understand everything that’s happened, and if not mend the past, at least make it so we’ve gone through all of it together… eventually. Somewhere in there, we’d lost our connection to each other a little. Sifting through all of our baggage together managed to give us that connection back, and make it stronger than ever.
It wasn’t an easy process to go through, but it was well worth it.